Epic Slack Channels of History
Don’t engage the stakeholders till you see the whites of their eyes!
DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS A PAID PARTNERSHIP WITH SLACK™️ (this post is not a paid partnership with Slack™️).
At Slack™️, we pride ourselves on efficiency. We are built for bringing people and information together. We allow your organization to synergize, leverage, value-add, touch base, align, and gain traction like no other software can. And so, we recently reimagined just how much more efficient some of the most significant events in world history would have been, had only we been around to help move the needle. Please advise!
Without further ado, in paid partnership with Slack™️ (we have neither been paid nor do we have any kind of partnership with Slack™️), Blog About Nothing! presents:
Epic Slack Channels of History (pt. 1)
#Assassination-of-Julius-Cesar
Slackbot: #BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH 👻🫣
Cassius: Ok, who is messing with the slackbot again. Please advise.
Slackbot: (Julius-Cesar made himself channel admin 👑)
Mark Antony: Someone seems a little. . . ambitious 🤔
Slackbot: #BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH 👻🫣
Julius Cesar: Hey team! I think we can cancel the 6pm @ the Senate tn. Probably can just be an email.
Cassius: Are you sure?? I think there’s some stuff we could, um, dig into. Let’s circle back.
Slackbot: #BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH 👻🫣
Mark Antony: Could someone get that thing to shut up.
Brutus: Sounds like it could be an email to me. Thanks @Julius
Cassius: @Brutus can we talk about this offline? I say we err . . . put a pin in it . . .
Brutus: @Cassius Umm… okay?
Slackbot: #BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH 👻🫣
Cassius: Ok, word is in — we need AHOD for the 6pm @ the Senate tn. I’ll call in pizza (can’t beat our workplace culture). BYO silverware! 🔪
Slackbot: (6:03 pm – Julius-Cesar left the channel)
______________
#Signing-Of-The-Declaration
Thomas Jefferson: Okay so we’re all agreed, we have a deadline to get this signed by EOD (7-4-76). Can everyone jump in the chat to voice your consent. Just add your name asap and we’ll get this shipped!
John Hancock: I’LL START
John Adams: Hancock, you don’t have to yell.
John Hancock:
JOHN HANCOCK
Thomas Jefferson: 🙄 Don’t understand how you even changed the font size…
Benjamin Franklin: Benjamin Franklin
Thomas Jefferson: Lord have mercy, now Ben has invented a new font 🤦
William Hooper: North Carolina’s official statement is “F (as in, free) it, we ball”. Heir Jordan on em.
Samuel Adams: Huh?? Anyway, Sam Adams - post-signing sesh at O’Malley’s after this?
William Williams: William
Josiah Bartlett: dammit William, you can’t just sign your first name, there are six williams.
John Morton: John
Thomas Heyward, Jr: Thomas
Thomas Jefferson: good grief. @ [THOMASES][JOHNS][WILLIAMS][GEORGES] let’s take this offline.
Benjamin Harrison: @Elbridge Gerry you know when we’re all hung for this, I’m going to die in minutes while you’re gonna hang there for hours, because I’m dummy thicc and you’re a lanky beanpole.
Elbridge Gerry: …what the hell is even that?
Philip Livingston: This could have been an email 🤦
Thomas Jefferson: You know what? Forget it. We will circle back on this. You have until August 2nd to swing by the courthouse and sign the thing.
(*one month later*)
John Witherspoon: Can someone loop in King George?
King George III was added to #DeclarationOfIndependenceSigning by James Wilson
King George III: And here I was thinking my colonies and I were getting along as thought partners. We had some real synergy going…
John Hancock: lol sorry man, there’s no leveraging to be done. Your taxes are the opposite of a value add.
King George III: Yes, well, I want you to know that you can’t just say the word “independence” and expect anything to happen.
Thomas Jefferson: We didn’t say it. We declared it.
John Hancock:
JOHN HANCOCK
______________
#Moon-Landing
Houston: What’s everything looking like 👀
Neil Armstrong: All systems are a go at the moment - task management and rocketship as well. About to land on the moon 🌚
Buzz Aldrin: *cupping hand on one side of mouth and whispering* The other astronaut has been all up in my business. It’s like, dude, maybe give me some space.
The Other Astronaut: First of all, I can still see your message…and second I have a name Buzz. And my name i–
Houston: That’ll do the team, just needed a quick status report.
Buzz Aldrin: Just to touch base, I’m going to need my spacesuit right?
Houston: Yes Buzz, you will need your spacesuit on if you want to “touch” Tranquility Base.
Buzz Aldrin: 😎
The Other Astronaut: Okay and we are almost there…and there we go. Houston, I have some exciting news to sh–
Neil Armstrong: Houston, Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed.
Houston: Congrats Neil. Congrats Buzz. And also other astronaut. Now go make history, boys.
Film Crew: Running a few minutes late, srry team. Hey for this meeting, were we in studio B or on the moon?
–Houston reacted with 😬
[Film Crew has removed themselves from #Moon-Landing]
Buzz Aldrin: Oh wow! Guys, if you look out the window, you can see the moon!
Neil Armstrong: Yes, that’s right. Good job Buzzy.
The Other Astronaut: That’s Amore.
Buzz Aldrin: Time to get the crackers.
Neil Armstrong: Buzz, just a reminder, you are not allowed to try to take a bite. The moon is not made of cheese, so you won’t need those crackers.
Buzz Aldrin: 😔
The Other Astronaut: Alright Neil, I’ve checked everything. Dials are set. Your suit is sealed. Go ahead.
Neil Armstrong: The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. 🤧
The Other Astronaut:
Buzz Aldrin: Is that from the cat poster on the studio wall, Neil?
Neil Armstrong: Yeah that didn’t feel quite right, can we do another take?
[Film Crew has readded themselves to #Moon-Landing]
Film Crew: Moon Landing, take two, 🎬 and rolling.
“F (as in, free) it, we ball” 💛
Damn, wish I could write like this. Still smiling.